Sunday, May 18, 2008

Yes ma'am, may I please have another?

When I was on a surgery rotation spending a lot of time in the ER, I had an attending who was adament about every patient getting the FULL physical exam. Guy comes in with a broken nose.....he needs a rectal exam. Lady comes in with a sprained ankle...grab the speculum. You get the picture. Anyway, a resident of mine taught us to give the patient an opportunity to refuse certain parts of the exam, saving all parties involved from the awkwardness.

So this one old guy came in with an enormous pus-dripping, foul-smelling, abscess engulfing his entire forearm where he shoots up his heroin. After the basic, non-invasive exam was done, the following dialogue took place...

Laura: Ok sir, the complete physical exam includes a breast exam, testicle exam, and rectal exam, but as the patient, you do have the right to decline these.
Scary drug-addicted old man: Who would be doing the exam?
Laura: I would, sir.
Yucky smelly man: Then sure, you can do it.

Lucky me, huh?

7 comments:

greta said...

Thanks for the laugh! brought back "good old times" for eric too...

erin said...

oh LAURA. i'd need counseling after that.

Net said...

Nasty! I'd have a hard time not slapping the dirty ol perv.
(Andrea told me she drove to your house today and that you had cake together. looks like you have another admirer.)

Jami said...

eww gross!

Mommydew said...

probably the best day the man has ever had! too bad it wasn't the same for you.

Sally said...

Yikes.

Heather said...

Ewwww...